Fart Network takes you through all the things you probably shouldn't say to your mother on Mother's Day.
"Good morning."
You absolute fool. You have made possibly the worst mistake of your life. Your sleep-deprived self has either forgotten that it is Mother's Day or didn't think it appropriate to mention it. There is no recovering the day from here.
"Are you pregnant??"
Of all days, you just had to pick today. You couldn't just wait another day to crack that zinger. She's been putting on weight for the past five years and you thought that today would be the perfect day to mention it.
"Oh shit."
Is probably what you'll be saying to yourself when you see all the cards and flowers, and remember you haven't gotten anything.
"What's for breakfast?"
Mothers have high expectations, and unfortunately for you, one of those expectations is that you are to cook breakfast for them on this one day of the year. Outrageous, we know.
"You should probably lay off the chardonnay."
She's not an alcoholic. Eight 13.6% drinks is normal.
"Pass me the salt."
Oof. Good luck recovering from that one.
"Now what damn Christian holiday are we celebrating?"
So what she wants to spend her day in mass? Just shut up and play your Nintendo DS.
"You're not my real mother, why should I bother?"
Is definitely what you shouldn't say if you are adopted. She may not of pushed you out but she still had to deal with your bullshit. The least you could do is say thanks.
"Sorry I left the receipt on."
Now she is going to see how much you paid for those flowers, and how much less it was than what she wanted.
"Why do you need a day??"
You just had to ask.
Comments