New Nintendo Title Features Mario Going Through Rough Patch Of Drug Abuse

After a recent decrease in the popularity of Nintendo within the gaming community, Nintendo hopes to captivate their audience with their newest AAA title that features Mario struggling through a rampant drug abuse.

This title is the first of many that aims to address more serious and concerning issues in the world to the younger audience. Nintendo believes that by featuring the all loveable character of Mario that we know so well in rough situations, children will have an easier time handling these issues.

With the intent of revitalising the gaming industry and Nintendo's slowing roster, Super Mario Suicide Prevention, Luigi's Mansion 4: Loss, Super Mario Separation, Mario Kart DUI, Super Mario Impotency, Dr. Mario: Terminal Diagnosis and Super Smashed Bros are all set to succeed the upcoming title in Nintendo's fourth quarter plans for 2023 and 2024.

While previously being a family-friendly geared company, Nintendo has displayed its intentions to take a more hard-line stance on real-world issues. Recently sentencing a man to a life of servitude under their iron fist for cracking some Nintendo 64 games, they have proven the lengths they will go to reface their brand.

In announcing these games, creative director Shigeru Miyamoto insinuated a divergence away from Nintendo's previously stated decision-making for these games.

"Post-war Japan was the most prosperous time in the history of our great country. Since V-Day, we have been reduced to an oversaturated hellscape dominated my American imperialists. No more!"

Super Mario Jonesing releases this summer for Nintendo Switch consoles.

Stay tuned for more compelling stories.