Publicly outspoken Fart Network dissidents were found dead last night in what many are calling a 'coup' to eliminate anyone critical of the popular news site. In a scene strongly reminiscent of George Orwell's 1984, as many as 20 controversial figures adverse to the site were found dead in suspicious capacities. Some were splayed across their upper-middle class condo from severe drug overdoses, whereas others had been riddled with handgun rounds at various points around the country.
Police are not ruling out any possibilities at current, noting that it could all just be a "happy coincidence". Some believe that these deaths were targeted murders, and claims are coming to light that they were in fact orchestrated by the Fart Network big wigs.
We disagree.
Any claims that Fart Network would take such effective actions against agents of democracy are wildly untrue and utterly superficial. Investigations into the untimely deaths are underway, but our lawyers are certain that they won't find anything.
Stay tuned for more compelling stories.
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